A picture is worth 1,000 words

February 22, 2008 at 4:38 pm | Posted in Getting Married, Love | Leave a comment

jeskel3.jpgjeskel2.jpgjeskel.jpg 

I know, I know…I usually do the anonymous thing.  But really – this doesn’t show my face…although, I’d be easily recognizable to anyone who was at my wedding since I’m in a car that was an integral part of it all.  But when it comes down to it, I don’t really care.  I don’t post enough for anyone to really read anything that juicy about me, and I just love this picture so I want to see it for a little bit when I come here to not-write 😉

Long story to say – here’s me & my husband on our wedding day…four months from Wednesday.  Happy 4-month-Anniversary to us.   Even though it’s only four months, it’s still nice to remember how we felt that very first day.

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Happy Love Day

February 14, 2008 at 5:32 pm | Posted in Love | Leave a comment

I usually hate dislike this day.  NOT because I’m bitter about love or have had horrible ones or any of that non-Valentine’s Day-standard-reasoning.  I just don’t like that my birthday falls on the next day and so not only are people willing to celebrate hard to come by, but flowers are too.  And I think the advertising is too much.  Love does not equal diamonds or expensive gifts, but you would be tempted to argue otherwise based solely on marketing.

However…this year, I’m changing my tune (sorta).  I like the idea of celebrating love.  I like the idea of remembering to acknowledge your love for those around you.  And while no, we should not have to have a ‘holiday’ to commence these ideas…yes, sometimes we need to be reminded or maybe just pushed in the right direction.  Pushed to not wait until *I* feel loved enough or to see if I’m getting what *I* should out of the relationship…pushed to just make the first move to love for the sake of loving.

 And the first year of marriage is a good great time to start.  I love my husband very much, but some days are just hard.  In fact, lots of days are hard.  Not hard to love, but maybe hard to show it or sometimes to really remember why.  Because life gets in the way.  But today, it will be less about me and more about him.  And remembering and celebrating only the good things…the loving things…for at least one day.  No big gifts or diamonds required.  Just some heartfelt kisses and quality time together.  Real Love.

So much, So little.

November 14, 2007 at 5:34 pm | Posted in Getting Married, Life in general, Love | 1 Comment

It’s been a long time. And I need to write.

I find these little breaks are good in that a lot happens…creating oh so much to write about. And then I find these longer breaks are bad because…yeah…well…where in the heck should I start to write about…ummm…everything?!

The short and long of it is that I found the love of my life in the last year and I went and married him. So. Un-me to do something like this. And SO SO SO right.

And I need to write again. Maybe not every day, but more than every year. Here’s to a happy medium.

It sure is Sunny Today. And I leave on my honeymoon this week!

Our Story – Part 1

May 16, 2007 at 5:00 pm | Posted in Love | Leave a comment

How’d you meet?

The question was brought up by Clink…who I guess I should just link to on my sidebar, since I still haven’t taken the time to figure out the whole ‘linking’ thing…whatever, don’t judge 🙂

Oh, and sidenote: I love her title – Such Great Heights…awesome meaning…and you’ll have to visit it to figure it out! (nice plug, huh?)

So…The Boy. A friend of a friend (the best way to ensure quality men, right?)…but also, we like to add, ‘in a bar’. And that’s not really true…as the story will tell.

I knew “of” him for a long time. And, strangely enough, we ran in the exact same circle for probably two years without ever being ‘formally’ introduced. Partly because either one of us was dating someone at various times, and partly because both of us have plenty of “friends”…meaning people of the opposite sex who are really cool, but are “just friends”. And really – we’re both busy – and although I’m not opposed to more friends, I’m also not out searching for them.

So…long winded way of saying – we were acquaintances, not friends. Until THE night it changed.

We were out with friends, and for once, we were both single. Yet we didn’t know it. Randomly we were kind of “forced” to talk. You know how that happens – when there’s a group of people talking in a bar, and several conversations start – leaving two people forced to make small talk who normally wouldn’t. He asked where my “better half” was…and of course, I told him that I’d been single now for…uh…at least a couple of months, if not more.

And there you could see the visual change in interaction. Seriously, *I* could tell – and I’m OBLIVIOUS to those things usually. From that moment on, I knew he was interested.

And me? Well, I thought the guy was totally hot, but not really much potential. I didn’t know much about him other than his friends are all crazy partiers – and not that there is anything that I dislike about that – I’m just not into dating those types anymore. They make me feel old and responsible (I’m 29 and I have a ‘real’ job as an engineer and ‘real’ responsiblities like my house…therefore my party days are now usually limited to Friday OR Saturday, and don’t extend much into multiple days or weeknights).

It’s funny how things happen when you least expect them to. I mean, within months, I have totally fallen head over heels for this guy, and he for me. And we could have crossed paths over and over for probably the past 10 years (we both went to high school in the area also)…and never known it. Timing. Thank God for it! 🙂

(And Part 2+ will tell when it changed from ‘not much potential’ to ‘I’m marrying this guy’) 😉

Sure.

May 1, 2007 at 4:46 pm | Posted in Love | Leave a comment

Every time I see him I get excited. Because I’m proud to even know a man like this. And if I’m honest – it’s because he’s so good looking also. Not because of the man he has been – although that is admirable. Not because of the man he will be – although I see so much potential in him too. But really, truly, because of the man he is right this minute.

And that’s how I know.

I just saw him and he hadn’t seen me yet, but I tried to just watch him without him noticing. He was standing in line at Starbucks, deciding whether he should go mocha or white chocolate, no doubt. And probably trying to remember if I’m non-fat, sugar free vanilla, or if he got it backwards or upside-down. He tries really hard to remember, so that is what counts.

And that’s how I know.

I cried this weekend watching a movie. I think he almost cried too. Not because of the movie though, but because he was watching me feel. It was Blood Diamond, and I just have such a heart for those kids, and can’t help but cry at the actual situation that exists. And he just held me tighter and tighter, and tried to love away the deep sadness of the situation.

And that’s how I know.

He prays with me. And he always thanks God for putting us in each other’s lives. He prays that He brings us even closer together, and he prays that I’m taken care of. He mostly prays for me, and rarely prays for himself. I pray for both of us, so I know he is covered. He has a faith that is so moving, inspiring, admirable, honest, and humble.

And that’s how I know.

We laugh. All the time. Often, freely, openly, and truly. I even laugh at his stupid jokes because his silly smile is funny even if the joke isn’t. I don’t think it will ever get old. Or at least I pray that is doesn’t and that we can always remember these funny little moments. The real diamonds.

And that’s how I know.

I can’t imagine life without him now, even though I swore to myself I’d never feel that way about anyone. But I can’t help it. And that’s how I know.

Thinking Forever

April 25, 2007 at 3:46 pm | Posted in Love | Leave a comment

I’m really no good at this, you know.

Thinking “forever”.

I’m really good at thinking…And pretty good at thinking for ‘me’…And maybe OK at thinking of ‘us’…But thinking FOREVER for us? Ummmm…yeah.

In previous chapters of my life, this would have been devastatingly overwhelming. I’m not sure if it was me, and the place I was actually at in life, or if it was who I was with. Probably a combination. In a different time, in a different place…I would have run. Or sabotaged. One of my two favorite defense mechanisms at least.

But now. Him. Now, *he* makes me ‘think forever’. Think for ‘us’…and not ‘us’ for today, or for tomorrow…but actually – truly – forever. And he does it so perfectly that I want to play along. He doesn’t ask me to do anything at all, but just leads quietly by example. Never asks anything of me, just stands strong for us both and holds my hand. I don’t even think I could have dreamed or imagined it so perfectly. In fact, I am sure I couldn’t have.

Does this mean I’m not ever overwhelmed with thoughts of ‘forever’? No. Of course not. But it also doesn’t mean that something is wrong. As with anything in life, I have to practice to get better at this. Practice thinking with someone else in mind. Practice thinking ‘forever’. And I’m so blessed to have such a spectacular coach who can show me how this is done.

New Glasses

January 23, 2007 at 7:48 pm | Posted in Love | 3 Comments

My sunglasses reflect my life, my attitude, and the image of the man I am in love with.

I once wore Emporio Armani sunglasses. It was my last love. I want to love Armani sunglasses…and I do, but I don’t fully embrace them…or him I suppose. I like to dress up, and I can play the part for awhile. But after a certain amount of time, they just don’t fit. He didn’t really fit. I want my comfort, my flip-flops, my gym clothes, my ‘me’ back. I’m not made for Armani I suppose.

Before that, I wore the twenty dollar kind. Not from the gas station, but maybe a department store – just not the really expensive, quality kind. Those were the men I had then too. Good…not great. They can be versatile, and maybe even look like designer ones…but eventually you don’t take good enough care of them because they came easy. So they get scratched, broken, bent, or perhaps lost in the shuffle of my life. I didn’t handle those ones with care. I didn’t need to – I knew they wouldn’t last.

I just bought a new pair recently. With the Boy. They are VonZippers and I love them. They fit my lifestyle perfectly. Comfortable. Versatile. Classy. Sporty. Nice, but not Excessive. I like them so much that I put them in a case in my purse so they don’t get scratched.

The new glasses are a lot like ‘us’. He even likes to use the word ‘us’…and makes fun of me because I’m so self-conscious using it. I don’t want to do these things prematurely, you know. I don’t know when is the ‘right’ time. To not knock before walking in. To stop by without asking. To leave a card on his car. To cook dinner. To not worry about calling too much. To make plans for him (and let him know, of course). To use ‘us’. He wants me to do ALL these things. I give a disclaimer, and he discards it. He WANTS me to do all these things. And it amazes me.

Just like the sunglasses. They are a pleasant surprise. A welcome addition that compliments my wardrobe so nicely. They just fit so well. And I am so happy in them. But I still keep them in the case because I don’t want them to break, or scratch, or ruin any of the ‘newness’ that makes them so special to me.

But I will have to take them out of the case soon I suppose, and I will actually wear them, and they will get scratched, I’m sure. It just happens with life, doesn’t it? I’m not sure when, and I’m not sure how…but I guess scratches don’t ruin glasses, they just make them ‘lived-in’. And really…I can’t be afraid to wear them, or else they will just sit there on a shelf. I just am going to be very careful to handle them in a way that does them justice. Because I am oh-so-excited for this. For them. For him. 🙂

That person

January 15, 2007 at 11:23 pm | Posted in Love | 1 Comment

I try to blog regularly, and I just fail.  But…I’m trying to make a comeback here, so help me out, people!  🙂

 So…the “update”.  I chose. There is AB-so-FREAKIN’-lutely no contest here, hands down…and I guess I decided New Year’s weekend in my head…and HE actually made it “official” this weekend. 

Funny that I’ve never had anyone (that I can remember at least) have to “ask” me to be my boyfriend, and actually have an official “DTR” (defining the relationship).   Maybe this is normal?  Who am I to define “normal”?

Anyways…he was so stinking adorable about it…I mean – he USED the word “DTR”.  Yes, it was in a joking way at first (we were at a bar, and someone was referring to us as a ‘we’…so we were laughing that we hadn’t even had the official DTR yet).  But then he followed through, took me to watch a sunset on the beach, told me how amazing he thinks I am (is he for REAL?!  🙂 seriously.), and asked if I would be OK with him calling me his ‘girlfriend’. 

I am now also officially “that person“.   As in, I am that person who makes you want to puke because we are all cuddly and giggly and giddy and I am completely perma-grinning. 

And I am NEVER that person.  But I love it. 

Top 5 (with an alternate)

December 7, 2006 at 7:18 pm | Posted in Love | 1 Comment

I haven’t really put it in writing before I don’t think, but I’ve adopted a Top Five list, inspired by a friend of mine.  It closely resembles hers, but with a few changes of my own.  I think it’s important to remember what I’m looking for, and to remember what I deserve, want, and won’t settle without.  As her husband told her when he asked her to marry him – “you’ve been dating 4 out of 5’s…and I’m your 5”.  I want a 5 next time, and so in honor of my dating debut…here’s my 5:

5. and 4.  These go hand in hand, and almost appear opposing so I group them together for explanation:  Responsible (5.) AND free spirited (4.).  This is me in a nutshell.  And it’s a tough combo to come by, let me tell you.  I have a great job career, and am responsible in my day-to-day decisions.  Yet, I have a very healthy balance of ‘free spirit’ in me.  Meaning that although I have the house, the dog, the job, the ‘stability’ of all of those things – I also do not hesitate to think that one day I may not.  And that will be OK.  I can leave within two weeks to go to another country for a month, I can volunteer tomorrow to serve somewhere random because it was suggested to me that day, I can go out and party with my friends, I can go to church the next day, I can have a random conversation with someone in the park that I just met, I can be alone and content…I can just ‘do’ most things really, and be comfortable with that.  Oh – and actually DO them, not just talk about them.  And I’d really like a mate who is similar – responsible with the day-to-day, and free spirited in the ‘life planning’ aspect. 

3.  Confident without cocky.  This is a fine line.  And it is crossed more often than not.  I like confidence – it is just plain attractive…and I need it in a relationship actually.  Or else I will walk all over someone, inadvertently (ok, well, sorta).  And cocky?  That is no good.  The balance is key, and I think I often struggle being on one side or the other of the line, making my need for someone else who has found the balance all the more necessary.

2.  Makes me laugh.  I could classify this as ‘sense of humor’, but that doesn’t do it justice.  Yes, you have to have a sense of humor.  But also – you MUST make me laugh.  This is not a  hard task actually since I laugh constantly, however, I tend to fall into the ‘entertainer’ role in a relationship.  Meaning that I am the one who makes my mate laugh MORE.  I need entertainment too, people…and although I am fully able to laugh at myself, it must be a little more balanced then in the past.

1.  Christian.  I didn’t think it was a criteria because I have TONS of friends who are not Christian, and I am a completely non-judgemental person…so I always thought that faith differences were OK with me.  What I have found in dating is that faith differences ARE OK with me.  In friends.  In family.  In acquaintances.  In anyone at all…except possibly for my future mate.  I cannot possibly imagine being with one person and only one person for the rest of my life without God being there with us.  And even though admitting that is scary because it seems so restrictive, I really have come to a point where I am starting to believe it is #1.  This is new.

 So – I counted backwards…but I do have an alternate…I suppose it would be #6.  But Top 5 sounds so much better than Top 6.  So…here’s the sixth:  active.  I don’t want to sit around or get in a rut.  I am not picky when it comes to what to do, but I don’t want to do nothing.   And ‘nothing’ would classify as the same thing, over and over.  I want to run today outside, walk my dog on the beach tomorrow, watch football tomorrow, fly to Vegas the next day, swim in the ocean, try a new sport…whatever comes to mind.   Maybe this falls under ‘free spirited’…not sure. 

So, there it is.  I hope it’s not too picky, or too limiting.  It’s funny because for all the ‘criteria’ I have, I really have dated a variety of people.  I can be attracted to almost anyone because I just plain love people in general.  Many of my friends are not like this – they are particular, or perhaps have a ‘type’.  I really, truly don’t.  But I think that it almost is harder to find the ‘one’ for someone like that.  Because I can love anyone – and really, truly love them – does not mean that just anyone could be my soul mate, but it does mean that I get distracted a lot on the journey to find them.  And I’ve had a lot of distractions.  Genuine, awesome people who I love in every sense of the word.  But who are just not ‘it’.

Maybe they are “4 out of 5’s”.  I just want my “5”.  Hope he’s out there 🙂 

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