May 1, 2007 at 4:46 pm | Posted in Love | Leave a comment

Every time I see him I get excited. Because I’m proud to even know a man like this. And if I’m honest – it’s because he’s so good looking also. Not because of the man he has been – although that is admirable. Not because of the man he will be – although I see so much potential in him too. But really, truly, because of the man he is right this minute.

And that’s how I know.

I just saw him and he hadn’t seen me yet, but I tried to just watch him without him noticing. He was standing in line at Starbucks, deciding whether he should go mocha or white chocolate, no doubt. And probably trying to remember if I’m non-fat, sugar free vanilla, or if he got it backwards or upside-down. He tries really hard to remember, so that is what counts.

And that’s how I know.

I cried this weekend watching a movie. I think he almost cried too. Not because of the movie though, but because he was watching me feel. It was Blood Diamond, and I just have such a heart for those kids, and can’t help but cry at the actual situation that exists. And he just held me tighter and tighter, and tried to love away the deep sadness of the situation.

And that’s how I know.

He prays with me. And he always thanks God for putting us in each other’s lives. He prays that He brings us even closer together, and he prays that I’m taken care of. He mostly prays for me, and rarely prays for himself. I pray for both of us, so I know he is covered. He has a faith that is so moving, inspiring, admirable, honest, and humble.

And that’s how I know.

We laugh. All the time. Often, freely, openly, and truly. I even laugh at his stupid jokes because his silly smile is funny even if the joke isn’t. I don’t think it will ever get old. Or at least I pray that is doesn’t and that we can always remember these funny little moments. The real diamonds.

And that’s how I know.

I can’t imagine life without him now, even though I swore to myself I’d never feel that way about anyone. But I can’t help it. And that’s how I know.


Shopping for my future

April 26, 2007 at 5:34 pm | Posted in Getting Married | 2 Comments

I guess I’ve always maybe thought I would get married. Eventually. But maybe somewhere deep in the back of my scared, skeptical mind, I thought I would never find someone who just ‘fit’.

And now I undoubtedly actually have found him. Yes, HIM!

Which brings me to the fact that I am utterly unprepared to even know how to do this whole ‘getting married’ thing. (yes, forget about the fact that the ‘being’ married might actually be harder than the ‘getting’ married – but for the purposes of this entry, we are just focusing on one issue at a time here, people!). 😉

We went ring shopping the other day, which, it seems…is the first step in this process that may be a very, very long one with someone who is as unprepared as me for this. Now, apparently…many women know exactly what type of ring they want – down to the designer, the size of diamond, the style…any number of factors that I evidently was COMPLETELY FREAKING unaware of until I went shopping and felt TOTALLY unprepared. Color? Cut? Clarity?

Uhhh…are you serious? ME: Can’t you just pick out something you like for me? I’m fine with any of it. I just love you! (didn’t that score me some points?! ;)) HIM: Believe me, there IS a difference. Let’s just look and see what looks good on you, OK?

I am lucky he is patient. And understanding. Oh, and actually knows something about rings. Thank goodness, because those people can be Snobby, with a (purposefully) capitalized ‘S’.

I’ll show them though – as I go and pick out the most expensive one – since apparently I unknowingly like one that is WAY more expensive then I thought I would! It IS, in fact, a good idea to try things on to see what looks good because NOT all of them do (contrary to my original naïve belief). I, thank goodness, also found a less expensive one that looks nice as well.

And although I am embellishing our conversation, I actually DO just want him to pick one out for me. That is half the fun – the ‘unknown’, the ‘compromise’, the combination of our two styles, the selection of something symbolic of ‘us’. I will love whatever he picks out. I really, truly will, and I’m sure of it.

SIDENOTE: Who knew how freaking expensive rings were? Surely not me!

Thinking Forever

April 25, 2007 at 3:46 pm | Posted in Love | Leave a comment

I’m really no good at this, you know.

Thinking “forever”.

I’m really good at thinking…And pretty good at thinking for ‘me’…And maybe OK at thinking of ‘us’…But thinking FOREVER for us? Ummmm…yeah.

In previous chapters of my life, this would have been devastatingly overwhelming. I’m not sure if it was me, and the place I was actually at in life, or if it was who I was with. Probably a combination. In a different time, in a different place…I would have run. Or sabotaged. One of my two favorite defense mechanisms at least.

But now. Him. Now, *he* makes me ‘think forever’. Think for ‘us’…and not ‘us’ for today, or for tomorrow…but actually – truly – forever. And he does it so perfectly that I want to play along. He doesn’t ask me to do anything at all, but just leads quietly by example. Never asks anything of me, just stands strong for us both and holds my hand. I don’t even think I could have dreamed or imagined it so perfectly. In fact, I am sure I couldn’t have.

Does this mean I’m not ever overwhelmed with thoughts of ‘forever’? No. Of course not. But it also doesn’t mean that something is wrong. As with anything in life, I have to practice to get better at this. Practice thinking with someone else in mind. Practice thinking ‘forever’. And I’m so blessed to have such a spectacular coach who can show me how this is done.

Perfect Weekend…until Monday.

April 23, 2007 at 3:11 pm | Posted in Life in general | Leave a comment

Do you ever have those weekends where you just seem to be in the best spot during the weekend…only to realize on Monday that you are thrown back into the craziness of your “weekday life”, the calm and peace of the weekend never to return (until next Friday…)?

I do. Did, I mean, today. Ugh.

BUT…the weekend WAS really nice. And I do have a ‘ring’ dilemma to ask some advice about. This whole situation is SO new to me!


April 20, 2007 at 4:15 pm | Posted in Life in general | Leave a comment

So…I’m not really that M.I.A. – just on here…and I miss writing, so I’m going to give it one more shot! 🙂

Updates, you ask? (Yeah, right…I’m sure no one even reads this anymore!) But I’ll give you one anyway! 😉

I’m in love. As in, in love with HIM. Still. And forever. And I mean it.

(Pick yourself off the floor because if you know me, you KNOW that is really NOT ME!).

“ME” seriously dislikes people who say you “just know” or that they are with “the One”. Honestly? That will NEVER happen to “ME”. I don’t “just know” anything, much less who I’m going to spend the rest of my life with! “ME” is much more realistic than that.

Until the Boy, that is. He is undoubtedly everything I have ever wanted in a man…plus some. I couldn’t have imagined a relationship this good. I couldn’t have dreamed of being with someone like him…and being so…HAPPY. Seriously, that is all I can describe it as. Happy. Content. Satisfied. Fortunate. Blessed. Perfect. (ok, maybe there were a few more words than just happy.)

And it’s not that we’re all googly-eyed and honeymoonish all the time – we aren’t. We’ve even had a share of disagreements and discussions on tough issues. The difference is in how we handle those. We handle them like two people who actually care, respect, and honor the person they are with – as if we will be together forever. FOREVER. We are forever-minded?!?! (This is so strange for “ME”) 🙂

And so, I say with confidence (and have to here since I haven’t really let many people besides close friends in on it in “real life”) – He is the One. And I “just know”.

Oh – and, really – if “you” also dislike those sort of people – honestly, just wait. It’ll happen to you. And probably when you are least looking for it. So watch out.

New Glasses

January 23, 2007 at 7:48 pm | Posted in Love | 3 Comments

My sunglasses reflect my life, my attitude, and the image of the man I am in love with.

I once wore Emporio Armani sunglasses. It was my last love. I want to love Armani sunglasses…and I do, but I don’t fully embrace them…or him I suppose. I like to dress up, and I can play the part for awhile. But after a certain amount of time, they just don’t fit. He didn’t really fit. I want my comfort, my flip-flops, my gym clothes, my ‘me’ back. I’m not made for Armani I suppose.

Before that, I wore the twenty dollar kind. Not from the gas station, but maybe a department store – just not the really expensive, quality kind. Those were the men I had then too. Good…not great. They can be versatile, and maybe even look like designer ones…but eventually you don’t take good enough care of them because they came easy. So they get scratched, broken, bent, or perhaps lost in the shuffle of my life. I didn’t handle those ones with care. I didn’t need to – I knew they wouldn’t last.

I just bought a new pair recently. With the Boy. They are VonZippers and I love them. They fit my lifestyle perfectly. Comfortable. Versatile. Classy. Sporty. Nice, but not Excessive. I like them so much that I put them in a case in my purse so they don’t get scratched.

The new glasses are a lot like ‘us’. He even likes to use the word ‘us’…and makes fun of me because I’m so self-conscious using it. I don’t want to do these things prematurely, you know. I don’t know when is the ‘right’ time. To not knock before walking in. To stop by without asking. To leave a card on his car. To cook dinner. To not worry about calling too much. To make plans for him (and let him know, of course). To use ‘us’. He wants me to do ALL these things. I give a disclaimer, and he discards it. He WANTS me to do all these things. And it amazes me.

Just like the sunglasses. They are a pleasant surprise. A welcome addition that compliments my wardrobe so nicely. They just fit so well. And I am so happy in them. But I still keep them in the case because I don’t want them to break, or scratch, or ruin any of the ‘newness’ that makes them so special to me.

But I will have to take them out of the case soon I suppose, and I will actually wear them, and they will get scratched, I’m sure. It just happens with life, doesn’t it? I’m not sure when, and I’m not sure how…but I guess scratches don’t ruin glasses, they just make them ‘lived-in’. And really…I can’t be afraid to wear them, or else they will just sit there on a shelf. I just am going to be very careful to handle them in a way that does them justice. Because I am oh-so-excited for this. For them. For him. 🙂

That person

January 15, 2007 at 11:23 pm | Posted in Love | 1 Comment

I try to blog regularly, and I just fail.  But…I’m trying to make a comeback here, so help me out, people!  🙂

 So…the “update”.  I chose. There is AB-so-FREAKIN’-lutely no contest here, hands down…and I guess I decided New Year’s weekend in my head…and HE actually made it “official” this weekend. 

Funny that I’ve never had anyone (that I can remember at least) have to “ask” me to be my boyfriend, and actually have an official “DTR” (defining the relationship).   Maybe this is normal?  Who am I to define “normal”?

Anyways…he was so stinking adorable about it…I mean – he USED the word “DTR”.  Yes, it was in a joking way at first (we were at a bar, and someone was referring to us as a ‘we’…so we were laughing that we hadn’t even had the official DTR yet).  But then he followed through, took me to watch a sunset on the beach, told me how amazing he thinks I am (is he for REAL?!  🙂 seriously.), and asked if I would be OK with him calling me his ‘girlfriend’. 

I am now also officially “that person“.   As in, I am that person who makes you want to puke because we are all cuddly and giggly and giddy and I am completely perma-grinning. 

And I am NEVER that person.  But I love it. 

Top 5 (with an alternate)

December 7, 2006 at 7:18 pm | Posted in Love | 1 Comment

I haven’t really put it in writing before I don’t think, but I’ve adopted a Top Five list, inspired by a friend of mine.  It closely resembles hers, but with a few changes of my own.  I think it’s important to remember what I’m looking for, and to remember what I deserve, want, and won’t settle without.  As her husband told her when he asked her to marry him – “you’ve been dating 4 out of 5’s…and I’m your 5”.  I want a 5 next time, and so in honor of my dating debut…here’s my 5:

5. and 4.  These go hand in hand, and almost appear opposing so I group them together for explanation:  Responsible (5.) AND free spirited (4.).  This is me in a nutshell.  And it’s a tough combo to come by, let me tell you.  I have a great job career, and am responsible in my day-to-day decisions.  Yet, I have a very healthy balance of ‘free spirit’ in me.  Meaning that although I have the house, the dog, the job, the ‘stability’ of all of those things – I also do not hesitate to think that one day I may not.  And that will be OK.  I can leave within two weeks to go to another country for a month, I can volunteer tomorrow to serve somewhere random because it was suggested to me that day, I can go out and party with my friends, I can go to church the next day, I can have a random conversation with someone in the park that I just met, I can be alone and content…I can just ‘do’ most things really, and be comfortable with that.  Oh – and actually DO them, not just talk about them.  And I’d really like a mate who is similar – responsible with the day-to-day, and free spirited in the ‘life planning’ aspect. 

3.  Confident without cocky.  This is a fine line.  And it is crossed more often than not.  I like confidence – it is just plain attractive…and I need it in a relationship actually.  Or else I will walk all over someone, inadvertently (ok, well, sorta).  And cocky?  That is no good.  The balance is key, and I think I often struggle being on one side or the other of the line, making my need for someone else who has found the balance all the more necessary.

2.  Makes me laugh.  I could classify this as ‘sense of humor’, but that doesn’t do it justice.  Yes, you have to have a sense of humor.  But also – you MUST make me laugh.  This is not a  hard task actually since I laugh constantly, however, I tend to fall into the ‘entertainer’ role in a relationship.  Meaning that I am the one who makes my mate laugh MORE.  I need entertainment too, people…and although I am fully able to laugh at myself, it must be a little more balanced then in the past.

1.  Christian.  I didn’t think it was a criteria because I have TONS of friends who are not Christian, and I am a completely non-judgemental person…so I always thought that faith differences were OK with me.  What I have found in dating is that faith differences ARE OK with me.  In friends.  In family.  In acquaintances.  In anyone at all…except possibly for my future mate.  I cannot possibly imagine being with one person and only one person for the rest of my life without God being there with us.  And even though admitting that is scary because it seems so restrictive, I really have come to a point where I am starting to believe it is #1.  This is new.

 So – I counted backwards…but I do have an alternate…I suppose it would be #6.  But Top 5 sounds so much better than Top 6.  So…here’s the sixth:  active.  I don’t want to sit around or get in a rut.  I am not picky when it comes to what to do, but I don’t want to do nothing.   And ‘nothing’ would classify as the same thing, over and over.  I want to run today outside, walk my dog on the beach tomorrow, watch football tomorrow, fly to Vegas the next day, swim in the ocean, try a new sport…whatever comes to mind.   Maybe this falls under ‘free spirited’…not sure. 

So, there it is.  I hope it’s not too picky, or too limiting.  It’s funny because for all the ‘criteria’ I have, I really have dated a variety of people.  I can be attracted to almost anyone because I just plain love people in general.  Many of my friends are not like this – they are particular, or perhaps have a ‘type’.  I really, truly don’t.  But I think that it almost is harder to find the ‘one’ for someone like that.  Because I can love anyone – and really, truly love them – does not mean that just anyone could be my soul mate, but it does mean that I get distracted a lot on the journey to find them.  And I’ve had a lot of distractions.  Genuine, awesome people who I love in every sense of the word.  But who are just not ‘it’.

Maybe they are “4 out of 5’s”.  I just want my “5”.  Hope he’s out there 🙂 

I did it.

November 28, 2006 at 4:53 am | Posted in Life in general | Leave a comment

My text message:

You.  Me.  *insert hotel name that party is at*. *insert date of party*. Xmas party.  Interested?  Let me know 😉

The text message back:

Oh darn!  I AM interested.  But I have another Xmas party that night.  Can we have another “party” together at some point?

My reply:

Definitely!  🙂

So…it was good and bad, I think.  Bad – I still need a date for the party.  Good – looks like I might have a date with him anyways…just not that night!  🙂

When it was over…

November 16, 2006 at 7:57 pm | Posted in Life in general | Leave a comment

When it was over and they could talk about it
She said there’s just one thing I have got to know
What in that moment when you were running so hard and fast
Made you stop and turn for home
He said I always knew you loved me even though I’d broken your heart
I always knew there’d be a place for me to make a brand new start
Oh love wash over a multitude of things
Love wash over a multitude of things
Love wash over a multitude of things
Make us whole

When it was over and they could talk about it
They were sitting on the couch
She said what on earth made you stay here
When you finally figured out what I was all about
He said I always knew you’d do the right thing
Even though it might take some time
She said, Yeah, I felt that and that’s probably what saved my life

Oh love wash over a multitude of things
Love wash over a multitude of things
Love wash over a multitude of things
Make us whole

There is a love that never fails
There is a healing that always prevails
There is a hope that whispers a vow
A promise to stay while we’re working it out
So come with your love and wash over us

 It’s from Sara Groves, and I love it.  And yes, it’s about my relationship with God.   I’m so blessed.  And I need to rely on Him more.  And I am.  And it’s helping.  And I will get through this!

(and I know you don’t start sentences with ‘and’!  I don’t care!  :))

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